Monday Musings - Literally

This is Mr. GR back for more Monday Musings, where I get to write, chat, or rant about anything I want. Last week we discussed the absurdity of naming an air freshener after something that, while maybe appealing in theory, actually smells disgusting in practice. This week, I’m going to shift the focus a little bit to talk about what may be my number one pet peeve in life: the misuse of the word “literally”.

I’ll preface by saying I am certainly no master of the English language and I don’t want to be throwing stones (figuratively, not literally) here, but this is so simple I just don’t understand how people don’t get it. It’s like they go out of their way to sound stupid. Or go out of their way to make me angry. Either way, I don’t like it.

Put simply, the word “literally” is a word that tells your listener to take what you are about to say in a literal sense instead of a figurative sense. So if I were to say “The misuse of this word makes my blood boil” then you would know right away that I mean it in a figurative sense and that my blood was not actually going to begin the evaporation process any second now. If so, I would be dead of course. However, if for some unknown reason, my blood really would start to boil, then I would need to insert the word "literally" to say “The misuse of this word literally makes my blood boil.” Then you would know that I was not merely using a figure of speech, but I meant it word-for-word. Pretty simple, right? Apparently not. In fact, a recent study shows that in the course of normal conversation, you are likely to hear this word misused an average of 2.7 times per day*.

Don’t believe me? In the middle of writing this blog post, I decided to take a quick break and check the latest news headlines. One of my favorite reads every morning is Nealz Nuze, the talking points for the Neal Boortz radio show. Sure enough, you can guess what word I found just a couple paragraphs in:

“When Aunt Joyce or my grandparents would drive me over there for the afternoon I was literally beside myself with joy.” What? Did you have an out-of-body experience? Did you magically sprout an evil twin like in that movie Multiplicity (btw, I hated that movie) and have him follow you around all morning? C’mon, Neal. You talk for a living, for goodness sakes! I might as well start listening to Air America if you’re going to do that. Okay, scratch that last part.

Neal, this is what it looks like to be literally beside yourself


I came to realize my hatred for this word because my former boss was a habitual offender. Once before what was to be a particularly long and boring meeting he claimed that “This meeting is literally going to be death by a thousand cuts.” Um, can I please be dismissed then? In fact, I haven’t told anybody this until now, but that’s the real reason I had to change jobs and move 500 miles away. I didn’t want to be associated with this guy’s Tuesday morning massacres.

I’m about done here, but just one more thing to add. I think I've realized the problem is that people try to use the word for emphasis instead of thinking about what they’re actually saying. Going back to my earlier example, I can say “The misuse of this word really makes me angry.” Or I can emphasize it by using a figure of speech instead: “The misuse of this word makes my blood boil”. But some people feel that they need even more so they try do so by saying it “literally makes my blood boil.” What they mean is it “really, really, really makes me mad and I need to do something to make sure you understand how serious the situation is even if it requires adding unnecessary and useless words to my sentence that make no sense whatsoever. Please listen to me, people! We’re all going to die!”

Okay, I’m done. Feel much better. I’ll literally get off my high horse now.


*No such study was actually done, but if there were I’m positive this would be the result.