I know it is a blessing, but sometimes....

You know those moments when you think to yourself: "I know ____ is a blessing, but sometimes I wish ____." I have regretfully been thinking that a lot more than I want to admit. I am so glad I chose to stay home with our children and I know it is a blessing, but sometimes I wish I had a place to go and feel like I contribute more than just feed, play, bath, repeat.

I know, you are probably mentally making a list right now of all the reasons why it is good to stay home with your children if you have the financial means.

I definitely know that list. And I agree, completely.

But sometimes it would be nice to talk to adults. I have plenty of outlets for conversations with people over 3 years old, but what I find is that so many times it is with other moms. We are distracted by our kids and so our communication never really gets to the next level. Being interrupted 50 times with "excuse me mommy" can be exhausting(at least he is polite, right?)

But I need to feel like I have an "end" to my job. As a teacher, I had a hard time turning off my mind from work at the end of the day. But at least there was a point when the bell rang and the kids left. I have a supportive husband. He is awesome, but sometimes I feel guilty when he does the parenting in the evening to try and give me a little break. Like someone is trying to do my job. And I hate asking for help. A moms job ever "ends".

But sometimes it is nice to dress up and have an important place to go. I was always one of those teachers who was miserable during the summer. I loved the break, but I needed some direction and a reason to get off the couch and take a shower. Now that I stay home, there isn't much stopping me from staying in my pjs all day. I am sure that will change in a few years as school and after school stuff picks up, but right now I have lazy days. I need a reason to get a shower!

But it would be nice to do a job and be rewarded for the hard work. Sounds selfish, huh? But I truly enjoy doing something well and being recognized for my hard work. Don't we all seek approval in many ways? "Mommy, this turkey sandwich is amazing. Great job on lunch." or "Mom, I think we all agree you come up with the most fun activities to do during the day. Josh and I have decided to give you a raise." That would be nice.

So, with all that said, I do feel like that it is a blessing to be home with my boys. Those difficult moments when all the children are crying and I want to pull out my hair are worth the satisfaction of knowing I am able to be a big part of my children's daily life. It really is a blessing.

I think I have some new bullet points to add to my resume:

Fluent in baby talk and able to communicate with two young children.
Able to buckle two children in car seats in under two minutes.
Skilled at diaper changes regardless of content or amount of movement from screaming 1 year old.

Time for bed......work starts at 6:30AM.