Have you ever thought about having a conversation with yourself in another time?
Here’s my question. Am I going to look back at my “now” self and say “that girl knew nothing?” Sometimes I look back at myself 5, 10, 15 years ago and I think about what I didn’t know, what I still had to learn about life. I am thankful for growth and change and all the things that go with maturity. I know that we are supposed to be ever changing in our choices and that life presents different challenges at each age. I didn’t have kids 4 years ago, I didn’t have a husband 8 years ago, and I was still in high school a mere 12 years ago. All those life steps have taken me in new directions. And these new directions have brought tremendous growth.
But what about so many things that I used to think about life? Silly stuff. And the things I believed about truth and who God is? Seriously, I was often full of judgment and ignorance. Oh, and there is that little thing about thinking the rest of the world never felt depressed, doubtful, and without hope the same as me. That was ridiculous. What a turning point in faith when I realized that the rest of you get insecure. You doubt your faith. You sometimes wonder what life is all about. And through it, God is faithful and He is unchanging.
This thought process leads me to wonder about looking back 10 years from now. Will I continue to change as much? Will I look at myself, the “now” me, but in 10 years and wonder “what was up with her?” Did she seriously tell people that? Did she really think that was the way it works?
Ok, this is the point where my husband says that I think too much. I often wonder about weird things like this so much that the only way to get it out of my head is to write it down, talk about it, chew on it for days.
Does this mean I am crazy?
Of course. Was there any doubt?
That is another thing, like God's faithfulness, that hasn’t changed in the past 30 years.
At least there are some things we can hold true and consistent.
4 comments:
YES, YES and YES!!! You totally speak my language, and my husband is right there with yours...on more than one occassion he's accused me of being an "over-analyzer". I find that I laugh at my old self quite often...and realize humility hasn't been one of my strong suits. BUT GOD IS SO GOOD and it is neat to see how He grows me through this process of parenthood. I have learned that things aren't so cut and dry...what may appear to someone to be "the wrong" way to handle a situation may be just the right way for that particular individual at that moment. I used to believe that things were much more black and white--and I wish at times it could be that simple, but I realize I have to lean on my faith more than ever in deciding the best way to handle a situation with a child. And the affirmation isn't always there and I now know I can't expect it to be. Sometimes I want that instant gratification of knowing that I made the right decision, used the right words, held my tongue at the right moment, used the proper gravity for the circumstance, but we usually don't get that. Keeps me on my knees. One of the best lessons He's taught me is to look up (to Him) and not out (to others) for approval. After all, I see how at one stage of life I thought I knew just what to do, just to find at the next stage I had absolutely NO idea! As hard as it is, I couldn't be more thankful for it all; I LOVE being a mommy so much, even with all its trials and uncertainties and am SO THANKFUL that He is there to be my Guide.
It is amazing to see how God has grown you through the years (and I have known you ALL of your life)
You are so right....God is faithful and He is unchanging. I love how you think...before, now and in the future. Keep sharing....it helps us all grow.
I love the promise that "God can't NOT be good. He never changes." I take such refuge in that hope!
Happened to read this and Yes! I overanalyze things too (to a near torturous state sometimes-- did I do the right thing? say the right thing? What does [person x] really think?), but definitely a difference between introspection and overanalization! I can definitely relate. I wonder if a certain number of years from now the same things will be my worry or my priority, my interest or my success. I think sometimes I've been anxious to know who I would be (as in what I would do, a title or such) and then when I got to a place when the title came, I thought to myself that couldn't possibly be it. So, it's still a question of "Who Will I Become?" And thankfully, since God is never done, we can always ask that question and always hope for what's next.
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